My Little Escape.

3 hours of sleep.

And I still don’t know what to think of it. Be being an idiot I texted him last night. I don’t know, I had a sudden urge to just tell him. After holding it in, I told him I miss him. When I texted him I didn’t say hi, I kinda just texted his name with a question mark and he answered back with “Sianna?” ugh. For some odd reason that’s what made my heart drop all over again. Although I was okay. I told him straight out I missed him and he didn’t say anything besides “oh hahah all is well, were you drinking?” ._. No it was 2am on a school day, I wasn’t drinking. I told him it wasn’t okay, and how I had a question. If he ever missed me. All I really wanted to hear was yes or no. It didn’t matter, I just wanted to hear an answer. But him being him…. Difficult as ever said ” I’m not comfortable answering that question. Sorry” and when he said that all I could say was “hahah no hard feelings. Anyways goodbye” and for some reason that triggered him. Maybe cause he was drinking like always… But he got so defensive. “you can always ask me, just don’t expect an answer you want” ??!! That made me angry. “I did ask you, and I wasn’t expecting for an answer I want. But I rather have you say no then leave me hanging without an answer.” By this point he was probably done with me but I just wanted a yes or no. It didn’t seem that hard to me. When I said all that he said ” well my answer isn’t no. But if you want me to say that then I will” after that I didn’t know what to say. So I told him all I wanted was to hear the truth. And after that I fell asleep at 3.

I didn’t cry, I didn’t feel hurt. I guess I was just disappointed. Maybe I did want him to say no? Because now I’m just flustered. You miss me? Yet it’s difficult for you to say it? I don’t expect anything but I wish he would just straight out tell me instead of being so difficult. :l god I’m so confused. I don’t even know how I feel, it’s like I should be feeling something…. But I don’t.

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